Speaking Grief

“Jesus wept.” John 11:35

The old saying goes, “Nothing is certain in this life but death (and taxes)!” And I heard this again yesterday evening only the speaker left out the “and taxes!” This was the opening Rev. Walt Weiss gave at the Hospice showing of the documentary “Speaking Grief.” As your pastor, I felt the need for me to get a refresher on grief because Lihue Christian has lost many members to death since I began here three years ago. Some of those deaths were expected and some came as quite a shock. Often the grief was felt not just by the loved ones of the deceased, but also by the church as a whole.

Viewing this film reminded me that the experience of grief is different for each person. Some folks are quiet and turn inward. Others turn outward and want to be around people. Some are confused, or angry, or hurt, or depressed, or any emotion you can name and all at the same time. It also reminded me that grief doesn’t have a timeline. It can last a few weeks or decades. I lost my sister 56 years ago when we were teenagers. While my grief has changed over those 56 years, there are still times when I’m brought to tears when I think about what might have been had she’d lived. If you are grieving the loss of a loved one, allow yourself to grieve in your own way and on your own timeline. If you are supporting someone experiencing grief, let them grieve. The role of grief support is not to take away the pain because we can’t. It is to be there and walk with them through the pain. At times you may be both grieving and supporting someone else who is grieving. Take time to recognize your own grief. Allow someone else to offer you support. Let others know that you are hurting too.

Hospice provided two resources for attendees to share in hopes that the more we talk about grief, the more we better prepared we are to walk with those experiencing grief.

“Send Some Love” suggests some things to say – and not to say – to encourage you as you support those experiencing grief.

“Support Ideas” is a list of tangible things you can do instead of waiting for an answer to, “Let me know what you need”.

We will all go through grief, and we will all need to support someone who is grieving. May we remember, though, that our God has promised to walk with us through all the days of our lives – even those when we don’t believe God is there. And, if your grief includes anger at God, then be angry. God can take it! After all, we have a God who grieves too.

Peace my friends, Pastor Cheri